September 4, 2005
I woke up this morning and the sun was shining through my window. I used to love to wake up on mornings like this because I would go jogging in the park, but now it makes me want to just lay in bed. If it wasn’t for Mary, I probably would have done just that today. But like always, she had me up and moving by 7. I didn’t have to be at speech therapy until 11am, but it takes longer for us to get everything together since my stroke. I enjoy speech therapy because the speech therapist seems to really understand how I’m feeling. She is very supportive and tries to help in anyway she can. Today she even worked with Mary. She was giving her tips on how to make communicating with me easier. I sure hope they work. I love Mary so much and I really want to talk to her. It seems like there is such a distance between us now. If it wasn't for her I would not try as hard as I do. During therapy I tried so hard. I got really frustrated with myself because I knew I was not saying things correctly. The words were right in my head, but when I tried to say them the sounds came out in the wrong order. Speaking is so hard, I have resorted to just using the content words. By the time I got home, I was so exhausted I had to take nap.
November 24, 2005
Today was Thanksgiving so the kids and their families came over for dinner. I was really glad to see everyone. It was hard to feel included in the conversations though. They often would ask Mary questions that should have been directed to me. I still understand what is going on, it is just hard for me to get my thoughts out. I wish they would be more patient with me. At one point Suzy said “Why’s grandpa talk so funny?” I tried to pretend this didn’t bother me, but I could feel the tears forming in my eyes. I sat down to watch football with Mike after dinner. It had been our tradition since he was little. This year it was a little awkward because for the majority of the time we sat in silence. I couldn’t even cheer when my favorite team scored a touchdown. The game ended a little while ago and everyone went home. I was sad to see them leave, but I was exhausted.
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